filling in the tig survey on youth has to be one of the most baffling things i've done all year. ok, so the year's only a few days old, but nonetheless...
how can you define youth? it made me sad to think of all the people filling in that questionaire saying things like 'youth are the future' and similar feelgood soundbites. youth are not the future. the youthful are the future. all around me i can see teenagers, twentysomethings, who have mentalities better suited to those many decades younger. this is a highly specialised form of prejudice - agism, believe it or not. the belief that after 30, or 40, you are past it, of no use, boring. the type of youth tig is so desperately trying to define is youthfulness itself - that quality only universally possessed for the first few years of our lives. only a few retain this characteristic - youthful energy, joy, openmindedness, and the gift to see everything as new. some lose this gift so early it's a tragedy. do not pin 'youth' down. let it be as careless and beautiful in contradictions as the people it inhabits. someone asked me recently to describe myself, purely in adjectives. i couldn't possibly do it. for every positive or negative aspect of my personality i identified, its opposite within me reminded me of its existence. generalisation will be our downfall

oh my word it's a long time since i wrote one of these... again. i've come to the conclusion i only knock about on tig before exams - modules next week, maths and maths, am currently failing my mocks, but am back with the bad bad man, so at least that's ok
he hasn't told his family this time, which sucks, but it's the only way we can go about it at the moment. we're both a bit freaked out, to be honest, me because he's old and wise and experienced and him because everybody automatically thinks he's a paedophile + he (probably quite rightly) thinks he'll have an unfair influence on my life
problems, problems, but hey i'm quite happy
went on a big cd buying + illegally pirating spree -
radio 4 - gotham
mr scruff - trouser jazz
aim - hinterland (who incidentally comes from my little backwater of a town... hurrah!)
doves - the last broadcast
velvet underground + nico (which kicks ASS)
mos def - black on both sides
cash - johnny cash
fugazi - 13 songs
the music
pixies - surfer rosa
elvis - #1 (#caught in a trap...#)
and 10 more beauties are on their way. currently desired:
the liars
yeah yeah yeahs (not out yet, goddammit)
otis reading
miles davis, thelonious monk etc
dj shadow + the cut chemist
sorry to bore you with huge lists of music but i LOVE IT so much + it gives me a kick to get new stuff. jeez, who needs heroin?
i have this craving for a typewriter because all this maths and phsics, all these numbers, make me want to write and write endless crap (as you can tell) and rebel against their neatness, those neverending loops of logic and sequences, stretching away for ever and ever... but i must admit the most poetice thing i've discovered so far in sixth form is the concept of a superconductor. i danced round telling people about it all day. 'guess what? guess what i learned! INFINITE conductance! do you get that? INFINITE!!!!! hahahahahaha!!!'
oh my god i'm turning into one of those people off university challenge who laugh at things no normal human being understands... like 'snarf snarf!!! oh yes! i see now... the answer must be root two! how elementary...'
i really want to go hostelling in the lakes again, but thius summer me and my mate plan to go to amsterdam. arrrgghhh but i want to trek across hills and dales, skipping lightly through forests, on a timeless quest against evil (too much lord of the rings, i'm afraid)
ok sum up of year 2002 -
best lyric i heard - 'you are the son of incestuous un-ion'
best book read - midnight's children
best bit - 'mum! dad! boyfriend!' 'ok... how old?' 'er... 28'
worst bit - thinking i was going to die on the top of some bog-infested endless mountaintop
achievement of year - gotta be kicking ass in my gcses against all expectations. oh no, i lie, it was performing a meagre and pathetic but nevertheless AMAZING breakdancing move someone taught me
regrets? - no! ok maybe the fatal maths decision
money earned - lots
money spent - MORE. mostly at affleck's palace, manchester

happy new year

...and all is calm. sorry not-neo, got a leetle carried away there. i appreciate your comments and advice, and you were right to say i should delete the update, because it contained too much information. but i will outline the situation again but more discreetly - i will not censor my life for your reading pleasure, just protect those within it.

i, both unfortunately and fortunately, depending on your point of view, am 16. i met someone who is 28. i know how people usually view relationships of this sort and will entirely forgive you if you react badly to the age gap between us... however, we got to know each other because it was unavoidable and could not escape from the mutual attraction we felt for each other although we both tried (honestly. ok, so he tried. i wasn't bothered. so sue me). but... his family are unusually close and he told them about me (my family weren't too bothered as they saw how happy i was), and his sister went ballistic, so we are no longer together and have talked about the situation til the cows come home, but it does no good as what can you do about a situation like that? i see entirely where his family is coming from. i would have felt the same if only presented with numbers. but it doesn't mean i have to like it.

i have learnt a lot from this experience -
it's not often you meet someone who makes you happy so don't let them go
the worst they can do is shoot you
and someone somewhere is always going to disagree with you

the rest of my life is pretty damn great at the moment - i'll update again later just for your entertainment but i'm sleepy so god bless

yes, the update has been deleted, but not because of your confused rantings
i am NOT underage
if you like, i'll take the time to tell you why you are utterly wrong
xx

aaarrrgghh!! pixies came in the night, cut most of my hair off, and dyed it pink. oh well, easy come easy go

so so much has happened... i got off my ass and got a job in a care home. i'm really excited cos the atmosphere is really nice, the work is interesting + i can't wait to begin

if you haven't read midnight's children by salman rushdie, you're missing out on an absolute master book, yaar

i am sick of people's wishy-washy i-think-deeply self-righteous talking. there is too much talk and not enough action on this planet. and although tig is a really amazing + inspiring place to be + many interesting opinions + thoughts can be exchanged here, it's still only a site on the internet. wake up! if you spend more time writing updates than actually doing the things you talk about in them, then you spend too much time on the internet in a fantasy world

i won a prize for one of my compositions so i'm gonna buy a guitar, form a band and go about making some big up berry bush beats

my love to you